Traveller in time, knowing that there's no rhyme...

Tick tick tick, the sound of time ticking. It doesn’t make me impatient, it doesn’t bore me seeing each second pass following its own laws. I like time. I want all the time in the world. I hear the tick tick tick in my insomniac nights and I never get fidgety, never roll from side to side in agitation. I may not get the sleep I need, but I get time. And I like time. For a similar reason, I am never tired of waiting, I can wait for hours after hours, days after days, years after years, given there’s no butterfly effect of that waiting, and it only has to offer a time without obligation, a time where I am not obligated to do anything, not obligated to think and definitely not obligated to act accordingly. I am not lazy (well not always), it’s the obligation. I yearn for a time where I will do something I would want to, and not because I have to. It can be the very same thing I am obligated to do, like attending NHK’s boring (you have no idea) and vague lectures, but out of choice and not out of obligation. After the recent earthquake occurrences I started wondering how it would be to be under oodles of debris, waiting to die. I get scared of the breathlessness, I fear of being in the confined space, of the pain of dehydration, hunger and the paralyzed situation, but never of the empty time. I would never pray to die owing to the empty time, yes owing to those other fears may be (though this too is highly unlikely). I want to live long, even if I suffer, I want ‘my time’ and ‘my time’ is LONG.

  

[Title Credit: Blind Guardian- Traveller In Time]

Talk about female hormones :|

I woke up early today, contrary to my regular self. I had the day planned out. Wanted to cook something different for S. Went through the internet for some lasagna recipes, found some interesting ones too, but hell the markets here are a wretch when it comes to cheese. I looked through many stores but couldn’t find any of the three cheese types I was looking for. Then decided not to waste any more of my time looking for something I won’t find in Dhaka, had a student too who was then very likely to wait for me in 2 hours. So consented to a hardcore Indian dish instead, ingredients of which were floating everywhere my eyes went. Coriander chicken curry- in my fridge right now. 

My student got cancelled today, but I got to know of it at his doorsteps after the servants kept me waiting for 20 minutes. By servants I mean three young girls who have been consistently slow at responding the door bell. I thought today was no different either and stood there the first 15 minutes waiting, I am always hesitant to ring a door bell twice. At long last, 5 minutes after my second ring one of those girls had the decency to inform me of no one being home. Right then saw my phone ringing, it was Tonoy’s mom to let know they won’t be home today. What a waste. 

On my way back saw a salon, and how did I satisfy my aggravation?? 

By a manicure and pedicure 

Don’t judge me please  

  

[Photo: My mani-pedi-cured fingers and feet]

Heena and the Corset..

I love the smell of Heena, S loves it too and so does W (got to know today). W’s best friend is getting married this week and hence the mehendi on W’s left palm (right one tomorrow) by me. I do a pretty decent job with the designs, but I am slow and my obsession on neatness takes up a lot more time. So if you want to apply mehendi by me you gotta be patient, unless you can settle with a less than mediocre piece. W had been watching Criminal Minds while I took her hand into business, therefore I was free from the worry of keeping her paralytic for too long. She held that engrossed look of rapt delight watching Hotchner (Thomas Gibson) which she always gets and I knew I had enough time. Later we googled early days pictures of T.G. only to discover pictures of him undressed dressed in corset! I can only imagine the turnoff it caused, sorry W! 

[Photo: W with her mehendi]

The criminal's M.O.

I am trapped in nothingness. I waste my days doing nothing. The sleeping routine I have been following is very depressing as it is. This being Winter I hardly get 2 hours of daylight after waking up at 4. Then comes the lunch and students. At 8 comes friends and family. Friends become stay overs and random dinners and ritualistic phone calls with R, while family becomes cooking, watching TV, movies (sometimes Criminal Minds with W and Sun) and being cozy under the blanket with everyone holding a glass of coke or milk shake. At 2 comes the daily shower (I unwind in the hot tub). Around 3 comes books, if interesting enough it runs all night, or if not, with surfing in between. Then comes goodnight calls to S which sometimes stretches till sunup. Then SLEEP. Finally. Till the next day of nothingness comes, a nothingness I confess, I am too happy to have. 

After a year or two...

Hello. How are you? Miss me?

4th Jan

i miss Happy. Life goes on and i only miss her.

Raisa, the bday gal

First of all happy birthday to my dear Raisush. So today’s the day when this incredible creature was born. She‘s the typical girly girl with an evenhanded attitude and great sense of humor. She has her own way of making everything upbeat, which compels me to stick to her all the time. Actually it’s always good to have people so positive around you, then you have a constant positivism growing inside you too. And well it works for me, so great having to know you Raisa honey.
Anyhow I had my monthly exams so couldn’t get anything for her. So will go out today with Naushin and buy her a gift we hope she’ll like. I know she wanted a huge photo frame, now lets see whether I get a good one or not. Otherwise if there’s nothing available of her choice then I’ll go for something of my preference. Well for now I am a dirty kid, so I better be going to take a shower before Naushin comes.
And ps i got my favourite Oddworld again, the link is http://free-game-downloads.mosw.com/abandonware/pc/adventure/games_m_o/oddworld_abe_s_exoddus.html

Been a long time I wrote something. Loads of things have happened within this span of time. Loads of things means actually loads of things. And most of them were totally unexpected. Some were good and some were painful. But now I feel more developed. Never thought would get to see such things in life as well. Now I know things, now I know people.

Anyhow, if you ask me to give a short summary on the typical things then here they go- I went to Cox’s Bazar and it was huge fun. - My classes started a month back. And I hate every moment of it. - Tintin and Rony bhai got married - I got A+ in my board exams. – Diba apu got married. Till now the most typical thing happened in the most typical way I must mention. – Terri’s grandmother died. She really loved her. I wonder what she’ll go through once she gets to know. – And lastly I got my broadband back, but it is of no use since itz with Sunny’s pc, not mine. However, it is been ages since I took a snap of something with my cam. And I am feeling bad about it. I need to buy a filter for my cam before something happens to my lens. For now that is my primary task. These days I don’t feel like studying at all. I know itz high time I start studying, but don’t know why I can’t concentrate on anything these days. It is not that now I am into anything else. Honestly I am into nothing these days. All I do is sleep. I don’t watch movies, I don’t go out, I don’t read, I am neither online, and I stopped taking snaps too. If there is anything I am excited about right now that is the imminent election. Election is always a big deal and fun to me. Though I know this feeling doesn’t go with the present context. But anyways this is one thing which is keeping me alive and forcing me to know things happening around. Otherwise I would have stopped reading news papers too I guess.

God. Help me. I am depressed. [pic*depressed me_]

going through the dial up days...

I hate ants. I hate them so much. Waking up everyday with ants on me doesn't feel good. This creature is pissing me off now. Mama swerved them a couple of times but they again come back. Anyways my photography course is almost at its end. Well I loved it all along. Now thinking of making my bathroom the darkroom. Will start the attempt once the course finishes. But I can only print the black and white ones, printing colour ones is way too costly and complicated too. So may be I should rather give them to labs for printing. Moreover planning to go Cox's Bazar with friends, will be a great fun I guess. Well now I need to make an important phone call. And since I have been using this shit dial up now, so gotta go. Man I miss my broadband days....

done days

Now I am in the segment of time where everything is done. Exams are done. Sham and Terri’s reside in Australia is done. Tintin and Ronny bhai’s marriage is done. Shifting to a new room is done. And moreover writing this journal entry which I have been so recklessly avoiding to is about to be done as well. Well things stay interesting till they are undone. Once they are done there’s no excitement left. Last few days I couldn’t actually study but only imagined how blissfully I am going to spend these three months of holiday. But now as it has started all my imaginations and plans have moved out of my mind. Anyway, today passed a whole lot of the evening with Nancy and Tash. Then came home at 8, called Juhi, talked for a while, had dinner, checked a number of mails that had been mounting up all these busy days, and finally thought of putting an entry here. Tonight Sunny might be home late coz he has this performance in a concert. So I can be with the pc for a few more hours. Now thinking of watching a movie. These days I miss Happy like anything. Can’t avoid thinking that if she were alive she would have enjoyed these relaxed time as well. A year has already gone without her being around me, doesn’t feel odd any longer. But I truly miss her. [pic* Terri's uni- LaTrobe University, Bandoora, Australia]